Counsellor Talk: Red Flags, Green Flags, and the Power of Hope

Not Every Relationship Is Meant to Last — And That’s Okay

Have you ever had a friendship, dating relationship, or connection with someone that just didn’t feel right?

Maybe you felt exhausted after spending time with them.

Maybe you felt pressured to be someone you’re not.

Maybe you found yourself wondering, “Why do I always feel bad about myself after we talk?”

If so, you’re not alone.

One of the most important life skills you can learn as a teen is recognizing healthy and unhealthy relationships. Learning about red flags isn’t about being suspicious—it’s about protecting yourself and making room for relationships that help you grow.

A red flag is not a stop sign for your future. It’s a guidepost helping you find healthier roads ahead.

What Is a Red Flag?

A red flag is a warning sign that a relationship may be unhealthy, unsafe, or unbalanced.

They can appear in friendships, dating relationships, online connections, teams, workplaces, and families.

Think of red flags as your brain and heart saying:

“Pay attention. Something feels off.”

10 Red Flags Teens Should Know About

1. They Put You Down

Regular criticism, embarrassment, mocking, or humiliation is a warning sign—not kindness.

2. They Try to Control You

If someone tells you who to talk to, what to wear, where to go, or how to think, that’s control—not love.

3. They Make You Feel Guilty for Having Boundaries

You have the right to say no, ask for space, or express discomfort. Healthy people respect boundaries.

4. Everything Is Always Your Fault

Healthy relationships involve accountability. If someone never apologizes and always blames you, take notice.

5. They Pressure You

Statements like “If you cared about me…” or “Everyone else is doing it” are warning signs. Healthy people respect your choices.

6. You Feel Anxious Around Them

Feeling nervous, tense, drained, or constantly on edge can signal a problem.

7. They Don’t Respect Your Privacy

Constantly checking your phone, messages, or social media shows a lack of trust and respect.

8. They Isolate You

Be cautious if someone tries to pull you away from friends, family, or trusted adults.

9. You Feel Like You Have to Pretend

Healthy relationships allow you to be yourself.

10. They Ignore Your Feelings

If someone dismisses your concerns or calls you “too sensitive,” they’re not respecting your feelings.

Don’t Forget to Look for Green Flags Too!

Healthy relationships often include people who:

Let you be yourself

Listen

Encourage you

Respect boundaries

Celebrate your success

Apologize when they’re wrong

Make you feel safe

Support your goals and dreams

The Most Important Relationship You’ll Ever Have

The most important relationship you’ll ever build is the one with yourself.

When you value yourself, you’re more likely to choose people who value you too and avoid relationships that hurt.

A Message of Hope

If you’ve experienced unhealthy relationships, that doesn’t mean you’re doomed to repeat them.

Every experience teaches us something and helps us grow.

You deserve relationships where:

• You feel respected.

• You feel heard.

• You feel accepted.

• You feel safe.

• You feel hopeful.

Remember:

The right people won’t ask you to become less of yourself. They will help you become more of who you already are.

Just for Today

Think about one person in your life who makes you feel valued, respected, and accepted.

Send them a quick message, say thank you, or simply appreciate their presence.

Healthy relationships are one of life’s greatest gifts—and they often start with one caring connection.

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