When “He Needs You” Isn’t the Right Answer: Supporting Teens in Emotionally Unsafe Relationships

There are moments in school counselling that stop you in your tracks.

A teen sits across from you and says:

“I want to leave… but he says he’ll hurt himself if I do.”

And then comes another layer:

“Parents or others say I shouldn’t leave because he needs me right now.”

At first glance, this sounds like compassion.

But underneath it… there is risk.

Let’s talk about it—clearly, honestly, and in a way that helps both teens and the adults who care about them.

When Caring Turns Into Pressure

Teens are wired for connection. They care deeply. They want to help.

But when a partner says things like:

• “You’re the only reason I’m alive”

• “If you leave, I’ll hurt myself”

• “I need you—you can’t go”

  
  

This crosses into something more serious.

It becomes Coercive Control

This is when care and concern are used—intentionally or unintentionally—to keep someone from leaving.

Even if the person is struggling, this dynamic places a teen into a role they are not equipped to handle.

Why This Feels So Confusing

For parents, and others the instinct to protect everyone involved is strong.

A parent might think:

• “He’s vulnerable right now”

• “She might be the one thing keeping him stable”

• “Leaving could make things worse”

That thinking comes from empathy.But here’s the part we can’t ignore:

A teen cannot safely manage someone else’s suicidal thoughts. Staying in a harmful relationship can increase the teen’s own emotional risk

A Gentle but Powerful Reframe

Instead of saying:

 “He needs you right now”

We can shift to:

“He needs professional help—and you deserve to be safe.”

That one shift changes everything.

What Teens Need to Understand

If you are a teen in this situation, hear this clearly:

• You are not responsible for saving someone else’s life

• You did not cause their pain

• You cannot fix this on your own

• You deserve to feel safe in your relationship

You can care about someone deeply—and still choose to step away.

What Actually Helps (For Teens)

If a partner is threatening self-harm:

1. Take it seriously—but don’t take it on alone Tell a trusted adult right away.

2. Pass the responsibility to adults This might be:

• A parent or caregiver

• A school counsellor

• A crisis support line

3. Use clear, caring boundaries

“I care about you, but I can’t be your only support. You need more help than I can give.”

4. Make a safe plan to step back or leave You don’t have to do this alone.

What Parents Need to Know

This is where your role matters deeply.

When you encourage your teen to stay because someone else needs them, you may unintentionally:

• Increase your teen’s anxiety and sense of responsibility

• Keep them in a potentially unsafe relationship

• Delay the other teen from getting the real help they need

A powerful shift for parents is this:

“If a young person is suicidal, they need trained adult and professional support—not a teen partner carrying that responsibility.”

You can support both teens—by protecting your child and helping connect the other teen to appropriate care.

Essential Supports (Canada)

• Kids Help Phone

  
  

  📞 1-800-668-6868

  
  

  📱 Text CONNECT to 686868

• 211 Canada – connects to local mental health and crisis supports

• If someone is in immediate danger → Call 911

• Love is Respect www.loveisrespect.org

Just for Today

You can care deeply about someone and still choose what is safe and healthy for you.

Teens don’t need to be someone’s lifeline.They need to be safe, supported, and free to grow.

And sometimes the most caring thing we can do—for everyone involved—is to make sure the right people are holding the hard parts.

Reflecting Positivity How a Compliment Mirror Created with Canva Code Can Transform Your Space

Starting your day with a positive mindset can shape how you approach challenges and opportunities. One simple yet powerful way to encourage positivity is by placing a compliment mirror in your home. I recently created a personalized compliment mirror using Canva Code and my hope is that it will make a noticeable difference in your daily routine.

COMPLIMENT MIRROR LINK

Why a Compliment Mirror Matters

Mirrors are more than just reflective surfaces; they can influence how we see ourselves. A compliment mirror is a mirror that features positive affirmations or compliments tailored to you. When you look into the mirror, you don’t just see your reflection—you also see words that boost your confidence and brighten your mood.

Many people struggle with self-doubt or negative self-talk. A compliment mirror interrupts that pattern by offering reminders of your strengths and qualities. This daily reinforcement can help build self-esteem and encourage a more optimistic outlook.

How Compliment Mirrors Impact Your Daily Life

Having a compliment mirror in your space can influence your mindset in several ways:

• Boosts Self-Confidence

Reading positive affirmations first thing in the morning can set a confident tone for the day.

• Reduces Negative Self-Talk

Compliments help counteract critical thoughts by reminding you of your worth.

• Encourages Mindfulness

Taking a moment to read and reflect on compliments promotes self-awareness and gratitude.

• Creates a Positive Environment

The mirror becomes a small but powerful source of encouragement in your home.

You can add this link to your notes app to look at this daily and then choose or create the affirmation that works for you and put it on your mirror.

Tips for Making Compliment Mirrors Work for You

To get the most out of your compliment mirror, consider these practical tips:

• Choose Compliments That Feel Genuine

Select words that truly reflect your personality and values.

• Update Regularly

Change the compliments every few weeks to keep the messages fresh and relevant.

• Place the Mirror in a High-Traffic Area

Position it where you will see it often, such as your bedroom, bathroom, or hallway. Add a sticky note to your mirror or just use erasable markers.

• Combine with Other Positive Habits

Use the mirror alongside journaling or meditation to deepen your self-care routine.

• Involve Family or Friends

Encourage others to add their own compliments to the mirror, creating a shared positive space.

Examples of Compliments to Use

Here are some examples of compliments that work well on a mirror:

• You have a beautiful smile that lights up the room.

• Your kindness makes a difference every day.

• You are capable of amazing things.

• Your creativity shines in everything you do.

• You handle challenges with grace and strength.

  
  

Feel free to personalize these or come up with your own based on what motivates you.

Research in psychology supports the idea that positive affirmations can improve mental well-being. Studies show that affirmations help reduce stress, increase resilience, and improve problem-solving under pressure. While a compliment mirror is a simple and fun tool to create using Canva Code ( if I can do it so can you) , it taps into these benefits by making affirmations a visible and regular part of your environment.

You are so amazing , don't ever forget it!

Embracing Small Good Deeds: The Power of Action

In case you didn't know, I love this quote because it taps me on the shoulder in the gentlest way and says, “Okay, now what are you actually going to do?”

I know what it’s like to have a heart full of good intentions and a day full of noise — emails, errands, worries, fatigue. I mean to call a friend. I meant to check in on a student when I was working. I mean to send that encouraging message, to donate, to follow up.

And then the day ends, and all I’ve really done is think about doing something good.

If you’re reading this, you probably know that feeling too.

Where Real Change Actually Lives

I am someone who dreams big. Programs, projects, books, ideas to help people — the list is long. Maybe your list is long too.

But here’s the honest part: big visions are inspiring… and sometimes paralyzing. When someone is tired, overwhelmed, or just trying to keep their head above water, those grand plans can feel so far away that it’s easier to do nothing at all.

That’s where this quote matters.

Because the power isn’t in the grand intention. It’s in the tiny, almost invisible action that actually happens.

• A quick text: “Thinking of you today. No need to reply.”

• A genuine, “I’m glad you’re here,” in the hallway.

• A sticky note of encouragement left on a desk.

• A short email: “In case you forget, I love that you are my friend.”

  
  

These aren’t headline moments. They don’t look heroic. But for the person receiving them, they might be the bright spot in a really dark day.

Small Deeds, Real Limits

Like you, I get exhausted too. I hit my limits. I wish I could help everyone, fix everything, or be available all the time.

Neither can you.

This isn’t about becoming some kind of kindness machine who never stops. It’s about holding two truths at once:

• You want to live in line with your values.

• You also have a nervous system, a body, and a life that needs care.

  
  

Some days, the smallest good deed will be reaching out to someone else. Other days, it will be finally drinking some water, taking a breath, or choosing not to speak harshly to yourself. I still need to work on this even though I know better.

Both are acts of goodness. Both count.

A Little Rule to Turn Care Into Action

Here’s a tiny practice I use, and you’re welcome to steal it:

If you think a kind thought about someone, turn it into a small action as soon as you can.

• If you think, “They did a great job,” actually tell them.

• If you think, “I’m grateful for that person,” send a quick message.

• If you think, “They seemed off today,” make a note to check in or say, “You seemed a bit quiet — how are you really?”

  
  

Not perfectly. Not every time. But more often than before. That’s how intentions slowly become habits.

One Tiny Good Deed, Today

You don’t need a perfect plan, more time, or a whole new version of yourself. You just need one honest question:

“With the energy I have today, what’s one small good deed I can actually do?”

Maybe it’s:

• Sending that text.

• Offering a sincere compliment.

• Letting someone go ahead of you in line.

• Being kinder to yourself than you were yesterday.

  
  

Tiny, simple, easy to overlook — but real.

Because in the end, the world isn’t only moved by grand gestures and big announcements. It’s quietly reshaped by people like you — doing small, doable good, over and over again.

The smallest good deed really is better than the grandest good intention. And you’re capable of more of those small good deeds than you think. Just for today, put aside those grand intentions and do one small good deed.

The Ripple Effect of Kindness

When we engage in small acts of kindness, we create a ripple effect. Each small deed can inspire others to act in kind. Imagine a world where everyone took a moment to perform one small act of kindness each day. It could transform our communities, one heart at a time.

The Importance of Connection

In our busy lives, we often forget the importance of connection. A simple gesture can strengthen our bonds with others. It reminds us that we are not alone in our struggles. We all face challenges, and a little kindness can go a long way in making someone feel seen and valued.

The Power of Gratitude

Gratitude is a powerful force. When we express appreciation for others, we not only uplift them but also enrich our own lives. A heartfelt thank you can brighten someone’s day and foster a sense of belonging. It’s a small action that can yield significant rewards.

Building a Culture of Kindness

Imagine if we all committed to fostering a culture of kindness. What if we made it a priority to encourage one another? By sharing our small acts of kindness, we can inspire others to join us in this movement. Together, we can create a world where kindness is the norm, not the exception.

Conclusion: Your Small Deed Matters

Remember, your small good deed matters. It may seem insignificant, but it has the potential to create a positive impact. So, let’s embrace the power of small actions. Let’s commit to making kindness a part of our daily lives. Together, we can build a brighter, more compassionate world.

In the end, it’s not about the grand gestures. It’s about the small, meaningful actions that make a difference. So, what will your small good deed be today?