Counsellor Talk : Help Teens Name Their Strengths

The link can be found here.:https://www.verywellmind.com/strengths-based-therapy-definition-and-techniques-5211679

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Counsellor Talk: Creating An Anchor Phrase

A calming phrase becomes a kind voice inside—a reminder to teens that they are strong,

capable, and present—even when stress creeps in.

Step 1: Co-create a short phrase like “This will pass” or “I’ve got this.”

Step 2: Write it on a card or set it as their phone’s lock screen.

Step 3: Encourage repeating it when stress arises.

Step 4: Over time, it becomes an internal anchor.

Just for Today: Repeat your anchor phrase—I am strong and capable.

Discover how short affirmations support emotional regulation when paired with mindful breath.

The Power of Expecting Compassion: Transform Criticism into Growth

Many of us — both teenagers and adults — enter a room, a relationship, a classroom, or even look in a mirror with a sense of dread. We often prepare ourselves for judgment. We anticipate criticism, search for disapproval, and brace ourselves for questions like, “What’s wrong now?”

But what if your brain could be trained to expect compassion instead? What if, instead of anticipating criticism, you felt secure, supported, and acknowledged? The good news is that this isn't just wishful thinking. It’s supported by neuroscience.

Understanding the Brain's Adaptability

Your brain is not a static structure; it’s more like a dynamic, living map. It continuously updates and reshapes itself based on what you focus on, repeat, and emotionally connect with. This process is known as neuroplasticity. Each time you respond with self-kindness instead of self-judgment, you create new pathways in your brain.

Just like in life, sometimes you have to clear away obstacles to find your way. This journey can be messy and hard. However, every twist and turn brings you closer to discovering something new about yourself. The more you practice self-kindness, the easier it becomes to navigate these emotions. Over time, compassion not only seems like a good idea — it starts to feel familiar. And that changes everything.

The Impact of Criticism on Teens

Many teens grow up in environments where criticism is the norm — whether at home, online, or even within their own minds. We can be our own worst critics, even as adults. But criticism doesn’t build confidence. Instead, it can trigger shame, anxiety, and disconnection.

So, what builds confidence? It’s consistent, compassionate connection — both from others and from within ourselves. This connection is essential for emotional well-being and resilience.

The Rewiring Process Explained

Here’s how the rewiring process works:

1. Awareness Lights the Fuse:

Noticing self-criticism activates the brain’s default mode network. This is the first step: catching it.

2. Compassion Activates the Caregiving System:

Research indicates that compassion-based practices (like loving-kindness meditation or self-reassurance) activate the vagus nerve and calm the amygdala. This reduces stress and enhances emotional regulation.

3. Practice Builds the Neural Path:

According to experts like Dr. Kristin Neff and Dr. Rick Hanson, repeating self-compassionate thoughts while emotionally engaged strengthens neural networks in the prefrontal cortex. This part of the brain is responsible for reflection, regulation, and resilience.

Building Your Compassion Circuitry

Here are simple, research-based strategies for educators, counselors, and teens to shift from internal criticism to compassion:

Name the Critic, Then Nurture the Self:

“That’s the critical voice talking. What would I say to a friend who felt this way?”

Use Compassionate Touch:

Research shows that placing your hand over your heart can calm the nervous system and activate the brain’s self-soothing system.

Rewrite the Mental Script:

Instead of thinking: “I messed up…” Try:

“I’m learning. I’m human. I can try again.” or: “This doesn’t define me — it’s just one moment on a much bigger map.”

You’re not erasing the mistake; you’re responding with wisdom instead of shame. This is a critical skill to develop in our journey toward self-acceptance.

A Call to Action: Start Small, Start Today

Your brain is always listening. Thus, it's vital to teach it to listen for kindness. However, we all need to practice this regularly. I know I do.

Start small. Start today. Focus on one gentle thought. Give yourself one moment of self-forgiveness. Take one breath that says,

“I’m doing the best I can — and that’s enough.”

The more you practice compassion, the more it becomes your new normal. This shift is how we raise a generation of teens who don’t just survive criticism — they rise with compassion.

By fostering this mindset, you not only change the narrative for yourself but also for those around you. Compassionate connections have ripple effects that can transform communities. So let’s commit to building a culture of empathy and understanding. Let's empower each other to thrive.

Remember, it’s not just about surviving criticism; it’s about embracing life with an open heart and mind. Together, we can change the conversation.