The Power of Love in Working With Teens (Yes, Love — the Real Kind)

Let's be honest: "Love" isn't a term we're always comfortable using in schools or counselling offices. It sounds too gentle, too complicated, maybe even too risky. Consider love expressed in a healthy, respectful, meaningful way. Love where we intentionally let someone know they are valued, love where you show the teen they exist, are important, and matter in the world. The kind of love where we are selfless and care for another human being in our care.

Here's the truth:

If we’re not leading with love, we’re probably not reaching the teens who need us most.

Not romantic love. Not performative kindness. But real, grounded, everyday love — the kind that embodies respect, boundaries, safety, patience, presence, and a fierce belief in someone’s potential, even when they can’t see it for themselves.

Love Is a Verb, Not a Vibe

Working with teens involves meeting them in the midst of their development — when they’re unsure, sometimes angry, often exhausted, and almost always testing the waters to see who’s safe.

Real love in practice looks like:

• Not giving up on the teen who’s pushing everyone away

• Listening without trying to "fix"

• Remembering birthdays, noticing a new haircut, or commenting on a good question they asked

• Noticing what really matters to them

• Setting clear boundaries because we care too much to let them self-destruct

• Sitting in silence with them when words are too heavy

It’s not glamorous. It’s not always easy. But it matters.

Teens know when we’re just checking boxes. They know when we’re faking it. And they absolutely know when someone actually sees them — beyond the grades, the hoodie, the attitude, the trauma, the mask.

When we offer real love, we say:

“You don’t have to be perfect here. You don’t have to earn my care. You matter because you’re human. Full stop.”

That kind of unconditional regard is rare in their world. And when they experience it, it sticks. It doesn’t always show up in thank-you notes or clean progress charts — but it shows up later, when they begin to trust themselves, when they start to believe they’re worthy of more.

Here’s what love-driven counseling and teaching might look like — no sappy music required:

• You show up. Even when they don’t. Even when they ghost. Even when they’re prickly.

• You stay curious. Instead of “What’s wrong with you?” you ask, “What’s happening for you?”

• You let them be mad. Without needing to control or shame it.

• You see the long game. You plant seeds you may never get to see bloom — and do it anyway.

Love is not a quick fix. It’s not a strategy on page five of the manual. It’s the lens we look through, the tone in our voice, and the steady presence we bring when everything else feels shaky.

Let’s be clear: This isn’t the “teacher as hero” narrative. This is about being one safe stop on their map. One caring adult who held space, held boundaries, and believed they were worth the effort.

As Maya Angelou once said, “Love liberates.”

And maybe that’s the point. Not to rescue. Not to solve. But to stand with. To love them forward.

So, Just for Today:

Put your hand on your heart and remember this: You don’t need all the right words. You just need to be real. Show up with love — the kind that holds firm, listens well, and never gives up.

That’s what changes everything. Over the years, I have given love freely because I know how precious each human being in my care is. I have a purpose, and so do they.